Off The Rails
by oneofneverlandsmermaids
Summary: Beck Oliver has been sentenced to a three month stay at New York's Youth Psychiatric Hospital.There he'll meet Jade, a self harmer; Tori, an insecure girl who has ugly ways of staying pretty; Robbie, who struggles with a split personality, which he projects through his puppet, Rex; and Cat, a girl who hides her trauma with a childlike personality.
1. Chapter 1

DAY 1

One punch. One stupid fucking punch. My fist and a kid's broken nose had ruined my life. The fight hadn't even been worth it, not really. She was just some stupid slut I had fucked at a party. Is it my fault she had a boyfriend? No. She should learn to keep her pants on, I didn't beg her to have sex. She's the one who practically dragged me in the bedroom. Yeah, I wanted it, but still. I could have easily done with a single slut.

"We'll be there in ten minutes," Valarie, my social worker tells me.

"I can barely contain myself," I mutter, rolling my eyes. She's a nice enough lady, but she's part of the reason why I'm going to this stupid place.

_Beck Oliver, we sentence you a three month stay at New York's __Youth __Psychiatric Hospital , during which time you'll learn to handle your anger. _

I guess it didn't help that I started screaming that the judge and the jury were all fucking idiots.

Yeah I had broken some kid's nose, and he had to go to hospital due to his injuries, but whatever, man up. The only reason I had to be sentenced was due to all my other charges.

Valarie kept telling me it was better than prison, but I disagreed. Who wanted to locked up with a bunch of nutcases for three months? Valarie insisted that it was mostly just kids like me who just needed help with their problems, but I know she was just trying to soften the blow. I saw the way she flinched whenever my voice rose. It always irritated me more, I would never hit a girl. Okay, one time I pushed my ex girlfriend, but that was because she kept following me around after we had broken up. I had cheated on her, and told her I didn't want her, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. She kept saying "I love you, I'll help you through your problems!" I had felt bad about pushing her, but mother of god, she pissed me off. She had been good in bed though.

"Beck, we're here," Valarie says gently.

I peak out of the window of the car, seeing an older, almost castle like building appear through a cluster of trees. There's a forest to the left of the building. We're in the country of some town in New York that I forgot the name of. I had almost been excited to go to New York, until Valarie had explained to me that I wasn't going to New York _City_, but a small town in the _state _of New York. And by town, she meant a few shops and farms.

I hadn't even understood why I was being sent on the other side of the country, but Valarie had said that it would be better for me this way. To get away from my past and to get a fresh start, in a fresh setting. Whatever, it wasn't like I had anyone to visit me anyways.

The car stops at the front of the building. My clothes had been shipped here the previous week and were waiting for me in my room.

I open the car door and step out. I wonder what would happen if I ran away into the forest. There's only Valarie and the worker who met us at the airport to give us a ride here, I could easily outrun them. I guess others have tried this, because right at that moment, two guards come out. They don't grab me or anything like that, but they wait at the front doors. The message is clear: run and we'll chase you. I still think I might be able to outrun them, but it's too much of a risk. And even if I got away, they would just list me as missing and then I would have the police after me. They would catch me and I would be throw in jail.

Valarie motions for me to climb up the steps to the doors, and I obey. She walks beside me and the guards nod at us, and open the doors. Inside is more modern looking than the outside, but it's not like how mental hospitals look in the movies, white walls and white floors. The ground is dark wood and there are a few comfy chairs, and in the corner a box of toys and a book shelf. I guess for visors. Opposite to the front door is a long wooden desk with an older lady sitting behind it. She looks up at us and smiles.

"Visitors? Or are you our new patient?" she asks gently.

"Beck Oliver," Valarie tells him.

The woman goes over a few papers. "Ah yes, Beck Oliver." she smiles at me. "Welcome dear, your room is 302, it's on the third floor. I think you'll like it, there's only four other patients up there."

"How many patients are here?" I ask. I've been curious, I had been hoping since we were in the middle of nowhere that there wouldn't be a lot of people here.

"Currently we only have 12 patients," she tells me.

I almost smile, this is the best thing to happen all day.

"Well I guess we'll go find your room Beck," Valarie replies.

"The stairs are just to your left," the woman tells us, pointing over to a set of double stairs, with one staircase pointing out of it to the the third floor. "There are other staircases, but that is the main one."

We walk over to it, and we get to the bottom of it, when I hear singing.

"_Somewhere over the rainbow..." _

I look up and see a girl running down the stairs. She stops when she sees me and smiles. My mouth drops open slightly, and I quickly shut it. There's something about her that captivates me, and it's not just because she's simply beautiful, with her magenta hair and big brown eyes. But just something about her...almost like her energy. She's dressed in pink pyjamas with cupcakes on them, even though it's only four pm. She also holds a giraffe in her arms.

"Hi!" she chirps. "I'm Cat." She smiles again, and I notice that she has a dimple in her left cheek.

"Hey, I'm Beck," I say, and I can't help but smile back.


	2. Chapter 2

DAY 1

"Are you new here?" she asks, walking down a few steps so she's just two steps above me, and even then I'm still taller than her.

"Yeah, it's my first day," I tell her.

"What room are you in?"

"302."

She grins and jumps up and down. "I'm in room 303, you're across the hall from me!" She grabs my hand. "I can show you to your room." She's already tugging on my arm before I can even answer.

"I'm supposed to-" Valarie tries.

"Pleasey?" she pouts to Valarie.

Valarie sighs and nods her head. "I'll be calling once a week to check on you Beck."

I nod, and start to follow Cat up the stairs. She still has her little hand wrapped around my bigger one, and I gently hold on back. She turns back slightly and smiles at me when she feels my hand hold on to hers. We climb up the final stairs, there's two hallways, one going to the left and one to right. Cat pulls me down the left one.

"Our rooms are at the end," she tells me. "I'm so happy someone's finally on my side of the hall, Jade, Tori, and Robbie are all down there." She points to the other hallway. She stops at a room that says 302. "Here's your room."

I turn the knob, and open it. It's pretty big. It has the same dark wood floors as the rest of the house, a single bed against the wall, a white dresser, a little side table and a closet. The walls are white, but it doesn't seem mental hospital-ish. I notice my bags are placed on my bed.

"Do you wanna see my room?" Cat asks excitedly, already dragging me down the hall. She opens her door and pulls me in. It's just like my room except for the fact that there's a turquoise bedspread with the little mermaid on it, and that her bed is covered with stuffed animals. She puts her giraffe down on the bed, and gives it a kiss on the head.

"I love you Mr. Long Neck," she whispers to it. I smile, even though its sort of weird, its also cute.

She sits down on her bed and pats the spot beside her. "Sit!" I obey, careful to avoid squashing a purple unicorn. She starts rummaging through her side table drawer, pulling out a little paper brown bag. She pulls out a sour key candy from the bag, and starts sucking on it.

"Want one?" she asks, holding the bag out to me.

I can't even remember the last time I've had a sour key, so I take one out of the bag and start sucking on it. She grins at me, and like a reflex, I smile back.

"How long have you been here?" I ask, I'm also curious to know why she's here, but I don't wanna upset her or insult her. She's beautiful and sweet, but she's in a mental hospital. She could easily snap on me and go crazy.

"Six months," she answers, still sucking on the key. "It's not that bad, I have Jade, Robbie, and Tori. And all the staff is nice to me."

"How long have they been here for?" I ask. Might as well learn something about my fellow patients.

"Um, I think Robbie's been here for eight months, Jade came right after me, and Tori got here two months ago," she answers, reaching into her bag for another sour key.

"Where did you come from?" she asks.

"LA."

She nods, her eyes all knowing. "I thought so, you have that sort of feel about you."

Most people might question what she means, but I understand what she means. The words sound like they would accuse me of something, like stealing cars, doing lines of crack, but her tone, her eyes, say differently. She might be innocent, but she's not stupid. She probably knows I have done all those things, but she knows that it wasn't just to be "cool" or because I'm a "troubled youth", but because there's a legitimate reason. She gets me, and I like it. No one's ever bothered to look past my looks and troubled past to see the real person there, the guy who wants to be found, but builds walls. She hasn't knocked down a wall or anything, but it's like she's found a window.

"Where did you come from?" I ask back.

"New York City," she answers, pulling a licorice out of the paper bag. She places the bag in the middle of us.

"I've always wanted to go there," I say, pulling a gummy bear out of the bag.

Her eyes light up. "I miss it a lot, it's so beautiful. The lights at nighttime, it was never dark there." She looks out the window, and I realize that her window faces the forest. "Not like here."

She's scared of the dark. Most people might roll their eyes at this, considering that's she's teenager, but the dark represents the unknown. I have a feeling that her fear goes deeper than boogeymen and goblins.

She grabs Mr. Longneck and holds him close. I want to pull her into to me and hold her, and tell her that it's okay, but I've just met her. And again, I don't know what her issue is. I don't wanna upset her more.

"I was at a different hospital before," she says quietly, her voice muffled by the fact that her face is buried in Mr. Longneck. "I had to leave though." She lifts her head up, and rests her chin on the giraffe.

I see it, finally. The reason why's she's here. I don't actually see the legit reason why, but I see the pain and trauma in her eyes. I want to know what happened to her, I want to know what kind of darkness found it's way into this girl, this girl who seems to have cotton candy and rainbows flowing through her veins. I want to help her, I want to suck away that darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

Five minutes has gone by, and she's holding Mr. Longneck in a rock hard grip. The bag of candy between us is empty, and I wonder if this will upset her after she breaks from the spell she's locked in.

"Where are you friends?" I ask, trying to get her attention on something else. "Jade, Tori, and...Robbie?"

She blinks a few times, and I think she's coming out the place she was in, the place that exists only in her mind, but is full of pain and darkness. She looks over at me, and grins.

"Yeah those are their names!" she exclaims, happy that I've remembered them. "I think Robbie's in his room, but I'm too scared to go in there. Jade's in individual therapy and I think Tori's...oh gosh I don't know." She suddenly looks worried.

"What's wrong?" I ask, moving a bit closer to her.

"It's just...Tori has issues," she says softly. "She has image issues. She's supposed to be monitored, or one of us is supposed to look out for her. They like to give us has much freedom has they can here. I hope she didn't sneak off..."

"Is she anorexic or something?" I knew that it was a serious disease, I just never knew it could land you in a mental hospital.

She nods. "Yes, I think she's also bulimic, I saw her throw up her dinner once in the bathroom. She begged me not to tell, I don't think anyone knows about it..."

"Cat, maybe you should tell someone," I tell her. Her eyebrows furrow, and she looks scared.

"No! Then she'll never talk to me again!" she yells. She casts her eyes downward. "I don't want to lose anyone else important to me..." I can see her eyes getting that look in them again, I don't want her going back to that place. I grab her hand, she shakes her head, snapping out of it. She looks at my hand holding hers, and than meets my eyes.

"It's okay," I whisper to her. My heart's racing so hard she can probably hear it. I blush, and than I turn even redder at the fact that I just blushed. Looking into her eyes makes me feel all gooey on the inside, I've never had that feeling before. She smiles a little, and squeezes my hand. My eyes trail on her lips, and I'm tempted to kiss her. But I know I can't, it wouldn't be right. I just met her, and she's obviously been through a lot. I don't want her to feel like I'm just being nice to her to get something out of it. I feel like she's been being chased by that dark place for such a long time, and I want to protect her from her. I want to be her saviour. It's such a strange, overwhelming feeling, but it's the most powerful thing I've ever felt. All for a girl with magenta hair in pink cupcake pyjamas, that I met in the staircase of a mental hospital.

The door slams open, and I turn my head to see a tall girl with dark hair with blue extensions and startling green-blue eyes.

"I finally got away from that asshole with the tape recorder-" her eyes fall on me. "Who the fuck is this?"

Cat grins at the girl. "Jadey, this is Beck!" she squeals, lifting my hand to wave at Jade.

"Hey Jadey," I say, laughing.

She looks like she wants to scowl, but instead she does this sexy smirk. "It's Jade, Becky."

Cat giggles and stands up and links her arm through Jade's. "Jadey's my best friend in the whole world."

"We were brought together by our mental health issues," Jade says, her arm rigid in Cat's.

"Jade!" Cat scolds. "Don't say that!"

Jade rolls her eyes, before smirking at me. "So pretty boy, what're you in for?"

"Jade, that's not our business..." Cat says, but stops when Jade gives her a dirty look.

Jade eyes seem to burn into me. "So? Are you gonna tell us? We'll find out eventually in group therapy. Unless you wanna keep you mouth shut the whole time, in which case, you'll be lifers, like Cat and I here. Well until we're eighteen, and they have to let us out."

"They only sentenced me to three months," I explain to her.

She laughs, the sound dark and taunting. She shakes off Cat's grip on her and walks over to me. "Yeah, but unless you talk, they'll tell the courts that you 'haven't got over your issues'," she air quotes. "and that they 'recommend your stay be lengthened so they can try to address your issues'."

"I don't have issues!" I object.

"Oh yeah," she hisses, and than lowers her face closer to mine. "Then why are you here, pretty boy?"

I stand up and she backs away a little. "I'm not fucking crazy!"

She smirks. "I think I just found out."

My mouth drops open a little, I'm stunned. She totally tricked me, she was looking for a trigger. And she found it. I let some mental chick get under my skin.

"Don't worry Becky, I won't tell your secret," she says, as she walks backwards out of Cat's room. "I think it's kind of hot, I've always been into aggressive guys. But than again, I'm crazy, right?" she winks before turning down the hall, out of my sight.

I look at Cat, who's picking at her hair. I sigh, they always did say the prettiest girls were the craziest.


	4. Chapter 4

**I've really appreciated the reviews :D just to clear things up, Andre will come in later, but he won't be a patient. I just couldn't really see him fitting into the mental hospital setting. There will be a little bade, but don't worry, this is a bat story ! The bade is just to add some drama, it's not going to be anything serious. **

Five minutes go by, and Cat has gone from picking at her hair, to twirling it, to chewing the ends gently.

I touch her arm gently. "Cat?"

She looks up from her hair and starts to giggle. "Sorry Beck, I just tried this red velvet cupcake shampoo that I ordered off the internet, and now my hair just smells and taste so good!"

I chuckle. "It's okay, I was just wondering, um...is Jade always like...that?" Pushy, prying...crazy.

Cat's eyebrows furrow. "Oh my, I got so distracted by my hair. I'm so sorry Beck, that she was being mean to you."

"No, Cat, it's okay, I can handle it," I explain. She shakes her head and grabs my hand.

"Whatever brought you here, is your business," she tells me, her eyes wide. "Jade shouldn't have tried to provoke you. Everyone has secrets, and everyone has a right to have them." She looks down at this, and I hear her swallow, like she's holding back tears.

I squeeze her hand, and she looks up at me, a slight smile on her face. That feeling comes back, it's like the air is sucked out of my lungs when I look at her, and she stares back. Her eyes draw me in, warning me that there's danger ahead, but I'm so infatuated, that I'm willing to take the risk. I'm willing to look into those beautiful brown eyes, the ones that hold back so much.

"DINNER'S SERVED LOONIES!" Jade screeches from the hallway. "VEGA GET OUT OF YOUR BEDROOM AND COME TO FUCKING DINNER!"

"Yay! Dinner!" Cat squeals, jumping up and down, she grabs my hand and drags me put of the room, zooming down the hallway

The food here is actually good. The company is a bit...um, well we're all patients in a mental hospital. Enough said?

Tori just twirls her food around and tries to slip it into her jean pockets. Jade always slaps her hand and threatens to go tell the cafeteria watchers, who stand near the front doors, trailing their eyes over us.

Robbie seems nice, you know, for a guy who talks through a puppet. The puppet is kind of a jerk though.

"Vega, eat the stupid chicken," Jade barks. "And Robbie tell that stupid puppet to shut up, before I rip it's head off." Rex had just made a comment about Jade's cleavage a few seconds prior. Well, to be fair, her black V-neck wasn't leaving too much to the imagination.

"He's not a puppet!" Robbie howls.

"So if I stab him in the eye with my fork, he'll feel it?" she smiles deviously. "Even better."

"The forks here are plastic," Tori points out.

"You want the plastic fork in your eye too, Vega?" Jade hisses. Tori shakes her head no and quickly goes back to picking at her food. She whips her arms back and launches the fork at Rex. It bounces off his eye, but it lands in Robbie's chicken noodle soup, splattering him and Rex.

"Jade!" Robbie and Rex scream.

"That wasn't nice Jade!" Cat scolds.

The cafeteria wardens walk over. "Jade West, we've already warned you about throwing your eating utensils!" One of them yells. "Your knife and fork privileges are suspended for a week." The then snatch her knife and the fork from Robbie's soup and walk away.

"Guess I'm finishing this chicken with my hands," she shrugs, grabbing the chicken and ripping a big piece off with her teeth.

Cat looks away disgusted and Jade smirks. "What, too much for you vegan?"

Cat furrows her eyebrows. "I'm a vegetarian, not a vegan!"

Jade responds by tearing off another piece and chewing it loudly.

Tori slams down her fork. "Cant we have one meal without you driving someone crazy?"

Jade laughs dryly. "Look around princess, we're in a fucking mental hospital. We've all driven to crazy."

"Jadey, just stop," Cat pleads, she reaches over to rub Jade's hand, before Jade snatches it away. But she doesn't make any more comments.

"Good Jadey," Tori says, with a smile.

Jade hisses in response.

"Guess what we're having for dessert?" Cat asks excitedly.

"Fried pig intestines with chocolate sauce?" Jade suggests.

Tori shoots her a look before smiling at Cat. "What are we having?"

Cat drums her hands against the table, making a drum roll effect. I can't help but chuckle to myself. "Red velvet cupcakes!"

"Are they your favourite?" I ask. Everyone looks at me surprised, since I haven't said a word besides "Hi, I'm Beck."

She looks at me, a grin on her face. "Oh yes, I even dyed my hair to match them! It used to taste like hair, but now it taste like red velvet cupcake thanks to my new shampoo." She smiles to herself, and takes a piece of her hair and chews on it.

I raise my eyebrows at her, and try to suppress a smile, but it's not easy. I shove a piece of chicken in my mouth to distract myself.

"So Beck, where are you from?" Tori asks, taking my talking as an invitation to include me in the conversation.

"L.A.," I answer.

She smiles. "I used to live in San Diego, I miss it so much. The sun, the beach, all the people." She looks down sadly into her food. "It's not the same here."

"Yeah," I reply. Things have gotten awkward with Tori's sad confession. All that can be heard is Jade smacking down on her chicken. Cat has given up eating and is now just chewing on her hair. Robbie is having an arm wrestling match with Rex. Tori quickly grabs a piece of her chicken and shoves it into her jean pockets. No one notices but me, and our eyes lock. She shakes her head and mouths "please." I look away, I don't know what to do. I don't want Tori to get upset at me, but she obviously has a problem. I don't want her to drop dead in a month, and have this moment run through my mind. I decide I'll talk to Cat about it later, she knows Tori better, maybe she can have a heart to heart with her later.

"Desert is served!" one of the chefs announces.

Cat springs out of her chair so fast, it falls back. She runs over to the table with the tray stacked with cupcakes. She grabs a paper plate and piles on at least five cupcakes. She's giggling and jumping up and down with excitement. The other patients stare at her with annoyance or confusion, but I just grin at her. It looks odd, this jumping, happy girl in a place where people are sent because they've lost their minds and it's written all over their faces that they've lost all hope of ever regaining them. And that's mostly because they don't want to face what they fear the most: themselves. But here's Cat, jumping and smiling, over cupcakes. It gives me a spark of hope that there is still good in the world, if you look hard enough. And something tells me that Cat has the ability to turn that spark, into a raging fire.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the wait! I've been so busy with school, didn't have much time to write :( this chapter is just kind of a filler, but big things are on their way ! :D **

Alcoholic. Crack addiction. Alcoholic. Rape victim. Self harm. Anorexia. Anger issues. Split personality. Bulimic.

I didn't even know these people's names, but their issues is what they were known as. Cat, Tori, Robbie, and Jade had filled me in on everyone's issues. But has I sat seated in a circle for group therapy, I found myself searching their faces for clues of the issue that had landed them here. A girl with platinum blonde hair with black underneath and a lip piercing, was here for anger issues. I think her name was Tara. She frequently got into fights with other patients. Tori said to avoid her, Jade had told me to give the bitch what she had coming.

There was a girl with pale skin and light hazel eyes who was here for bulimia, Keri. Tori and her were friends, bonded by their similar issues.

A boy with shaggy brown hair was here for an addiction to crack. I had asked why he didn't go to rehab, and Cat said she didn't know, but she thinks it had something to do with the fact that his parents were both users and had abandoned him, and he probably had inner issues to sort out.

A girl with a black pixie cut was here for alcoholism. Jade said that she had also been a prostitute and a stripper.

And finally there was a girl who wouldn't even look up, her long brown hair covering her face. She had apparently been raped a few months ago and frequently woke up screaming from flashbacks and nightmares. She had also tried taking up self harming, but her attempts were squashed.

Our group therapist was a middle aged woman with dark, greying hair and warm brown eyes. She sat beside the girl with the hair in her face and smiled, taking the time to look each and every one of us in the eyes.

"Did everyone enjoy dinner?" she asks.

"Oh yes!" Cat squeals, bouncing up and down in her seat beside me. "We had red velvet cupcakes and they were delicious!"

"No one cares," Tara hisses.

Cat frowns and looks down at her feet, while Jade gives Tara the finger.

"Tara, we don't talk like that," the woman scolds Her eyes fall on me. "Group, we have a new member, Beck Oliver. Would everyone please say hello to Beck."

Everyone muttered hellos, besides Cat who leans over and pokes my stomach, and Tara who licks her lips at me.

"My name is Liz, and I want you to know that this a safe place, there will be no judging," she explains. "This is for you all to see that you're all going through issues, and that you can help each other get through them." She glances over at the girl sitting to her left, the one with the hair in her face. "Felice, would you like to go first?"

Felice shakes her head quickly, burying her face deeper into her chest.

"Felice, it's alright, this is a safe place," Liz says gently.

Felice places her face in her hands and leans her head on her knees, and starts to shake. My chest seizes up at seeing this poor girl so broken because of some creep who violated her body. I never understood how men could ever get it in their mind that they have a right to take girls and do what they want to them, look what it does. It leaves a girl who should've had a future, a real life, dead or broken like Felice.

"It's alright Felice, we'll move on to Keri," she says smiling at Keri who's seated between Felice and Tori. "How are you Keri?"

"I'm fine," Keri says quietly.

"Have things been getting easier?" Liz asks.

Keri swallows deeply. "It's still a struggle, obviously, I'm still tempted, but it's been getting a bit easier, the temptation has been getting weaker." When she talks I notice that her teeth are yellow, and I wonder how many times this girl had to force her insides to come up in order to rot her teeth. How many times she had to see her food in the toilet to feel in control, like she wasn't a failure.

"That's great to hear Keri, and thank you for sharing that with us," Liz says, with a big smile. She turns to Tori. "Tori would you like to go next? How have things been with you?"

"Like Keri said, the temptation is still there of course, but it's not like before," she answered, as she reached into her pocket, probably remembering how she had stuffed a piece of chicken in there a short time ago. I bite down on my bottom lip, the guilt rushing over me. She isn't really recovering, is she? She's just filling Liz the bullshit she wants to hear and getting her dish clean at dinner.

"I'm so happy to hear that both of you are having such progress, I believe that you're up one pound from last week, isn't that right Tori?"

Tori looks like she's been kicked in the stomach. She looks down at her feet and whispers, "Yeah that's right."

"It's alright to feel like you're failing Tori, that's normal behaviour for a recovering anorexic, but you need to know that you're not a failure, you're a winner, anorexia is the loser here," Liz says gently.

Tori nods her head, but she's not believing it. All she hears is up one pound.

It's Robbie's turn, but all he does is make rude comments through Rex, and Liz quickly moves onto Jade.

Jade rolls her eyes. "I'm great."

"Jade, would you like to share more with the group?" Liz prompts.

"If I wanted to, I would have," Jade mutters.

"You don't need to feel ashamed to talk about it," Liz encourages. "You are all here for your own personal reasons, your group members won't judge."

Jade sighs, but speaks. "I haven't cut myself or tried to in over a week." She pulls her long black sleeved v-neck closer down, to cover her wrists. I raise my eyebrows in surprise. I would have never have guessed that confident, cynical Jade was a cutter. I would have said anger issues, not self harm.

"Has it been getting easier to resist the urge to harm yourself?" Liz presses.

"Yeah," Jade mutters, crossing her arms and leaning further back into her chair. Her eyes fall to her feet. After everyone speaks about their problems, they can't face anyone. Talking about it makes it real.

"That's wonderful," Liz beams, her eyes falling on Cat. "Cat, how have you been?"

"Fine," Cat says with a grin.

"Okay," Liz says with a smile. "Beck would you like to go next? How has your first day here been?"

I look at her and than at Cat, confused to has why Cat didn't get questioned, she just had to say fine, and that was good enough. Jade catches my eye and shakes her head and whispers "don't worry". I blink a few times, still confused.

"Um, it's been okay," I say.

"Made any new friends?"

I look at Cat, and she smiles a little, batting her eyelashes at me. I grin. "Yeah, I have."

"I'm glad to hear that, I don't want you feel pressured, but would you mind sharing the reason why you're here with the rest of the group?"

I bite down on my bottom lip, hard. I really hadn't wanted to share why I was here, but than I remember that Cat and Jade already know, so I guess it doesn't matter anymore, I don't really care what everyone else thinks of me.

"I'm here because I have anger issues," I reply.

Liz grins at me, "Thank you so much for sharing that with us Beck, it was very brave. I'm happy that you feel comfortable with the group. Jessie, it's your turn."

The boy beside me, Jessie, mutters something about how the one on one therapy is helping a lot, and than it's Tara's turn.

"It's been getting easier to resist the urge to strangle some of the people here," she barks out, her eyes falling on Robbie, Tori, Jade, and Cat. Jade hisses at her, and Tara puts her fist up at her. Liz yells at them to stop, and tells Tara to think of nicer words, and than moves on to the girl with the pixie hair cut. Her response is similar to Jessie, that the private therapy sessions have been helping her a lot.

Liz announces that group therapy is over, and that she hopes to get to deeper issues at the next one. She packs up her things and leaves, telling us that now is our free time until bed time.

Tara stands up and walks over to Jade. "If you ever hiss at me again West, I'll rip out your fucking tongue."

Jade stands up, eye to eye with Tara. "I would love to see you try."

"Guys, don't, you guys both got in trouble for fighting last month," Tori tries to object.

"Shut up Vega!" Tara and Jade scream in unison.

"Jadey, come on, it's not worth it," Cat pleads, standing up.

"Listen to your stupid pet, Jadey," Tara sneers. Cat looks like a kicked puppy, and I stand up quickly, and grab her hand, pulling her closer to me. I feel protective of her, she's so small and fragile, I'm scared that someone could say the wrong thing and shatter her.

"Take that back you bitch!" Jade yells.

"She's too dumb to understand anyways," Tara smirks. Cat steps back, and her lip quivers. I pull her into me, wrapping my arms around her, holding her close. She buries her face in my chest. Jade glances at Cat, and turns back to Tara, her teeth gritted.

Jade raises her hand and slaps Tara hard across the face. Tara's mouth drops in surprise, before pushing Jade roughly. Jade screams and lunges at Tara, and they fall to a heap on the floor. Tori, Robbie, and the girl with the pixie cut quickly try to break them up. Tara throws a punch at Jade, getting her in the mouth, and Jade swings and connects with Tara's right eye. Robbie grabs Jade and Tori grabs Tara, and they manage to get them off each other. They both stand up has two nurses rush in.

"You dumb bitch," Tara hisses, snatching the ice from the nurse to put on her eye.

Jade wipes her bleeding lip on her shirt sleeve. "Don't ever fucking talk to Cat like that again."

"Ladies, stop!" one of the nurses yells. "You both are going to Liz right, this is the second fight you've had since you've both been here! Enough is enough." The nurses push Tara and Jade out of the room, and down the hall. Bitch, cunt, slut, can be heard all the way down the hall before a door slams.

Tori sighs, fixing her ruined hair. "I'm sick of them always fighting." She looks down at her arm. "And one of them scratched me!"

"At least one of them didn't bite you!" Robbie yells, holding out his hand which has a bite mark in it.

I pull Cat out of my arms, and place my hands on her shoulders. "Are you okay Cat?"

She furrows her eyebrows at me, confused. "I'm not the one who was in the fight."

"No, I meant, you know those things that Tara said weren't true, right?" I ask, staring deep into her dark brown eyes, trying to find some of the pain that was in them just moments ago.

"Well, I am kind of dumb," she says, twirling a piece of hair around her finger.

My mouth open and closes a few times, trying to find the words to say. "No you're not Cat, Tara's just an idiot."

"It's not just Tara, I've been hearing it my whole life," she replies, shrugging her shoulders. Her eyes light up, and she slips out from under my grasp. "Let's go watch Beauty and the Beast!" she screams, running out of the room. Tori and Robbie roll their eyes, but smile following her. The rest of the group trails behind.

I stand there for a few moments, stunned. _I've been hearing it my whole life. _Cat's been hearing that she's dumb her whole life? What else has been hearing, and from who? And why didn't she have to talk about her problems at group therapy? What's Cat's secret? What demons is she battling?


	6. Chapter 6

**HI HI HI ! I am so sorry that i haven't updated in so long, but i have been so busy ! School is killing me. I hope you like this chapter, i know i keep saying this, but bigger and better things are coming, the story has to get going, you know ? :) thank you guys for your wonderful reviews, red velvet cupcakes for all ! :D **

Beauty and the Beast may seem like just a simple cartoon. But it's always struck home for me. The beast is a violent, bitter, broken man. Belle is a beautiful, intelligent, giving woman. But yet, she finds a way to fall in love with him. She sees past the ugly exterior, breaks through the hard shell, to find the kind soul hidden underneath.

I am the Beast. That's always been clear in my mind, I'm violent. I'm bitter over my mother and father. I always thought I was strong, for surviving through everything. But truthfully, I'm just as broken as the people who sit around me watching Beauty and the Beast play on the television. I'm just better at hiding it. People think that you have to constantly crying, you have to be weak to be broken, but that's not true. You can wear a suit of armour, a armour that only projects anger, when really you're just a pile of pieces inside.

The part where Belle leaves to go take of her sick father plays, and as the Beast says sadly that he let her go because he loves her, I turn my head slightly to look at Cat, who's sitting beside me cuddling Mr. Longneck. She has tears in her eyes, but a slight smile on her face. She catches me looking and grins, a tear leaking over her eye, and dripping down her cheek.

"I love that part," she whispers, turning back towards the screen.

One thing I could never picture when I watched this movie was, who was my Belle. Who was the one who would love me enough to try to find the better man inside. Cat looks more like the little mermaid with her long, red hair, and her vibrant personality certainly matches Ariel's, would Ariel ever be able to look past a man's flaws to love him? I mean Prince Eric seems like a great guy, there wasn't really a flaw to him. However, in the original story, he marries another girl, who he believes rescued him. The Little Mermaid's sisters bring her a knife that the Sea Witch has given them, and tell her that if she kills the prince with the knife, and lets the blood drip on her feet, she will become a mermaid again, and her suffering will be over. In the end, she can not bring herself to kill the prince, and throws herself out to sea. Her body dissolves into foam, but instead of ceasing to exist, she turns into a spirit. She earned an eternal soul because of her good heart. She has to do good deeds for 300 years before she can rise to heaven, but hey, at least she exists.

That version of Ariel loved with all of her heart, and I wonder if Cat is like that. If she loves with all of her heart. She giggles at the moment when the village people and the furniture are fighting, and I can't help but grin and shake my head. I've just met her a few hours ago, but I'm hooked. It's like she's stuck her hand in my chest and left her mark. Even if nothing ever comes of me and Cat, I won't forget her. I'm not in love with her or anything, I'm simply...enchanted by her. That seems to be the only word to describe it, it's like magic.

I turn my eyes to the screen, and see that it's the part where the Beast is succumbing to his wounds, and Belle whispers that she loves him, breaking the spell. I glance over to look at Cat, and see that tears are streaming down her cheeks, but she has the biggest smile.

"Isn't that beautiful?" she whispers to me. She looks at me, and bites on her bottom lip slightly taking my hand and squeezing it, before turning her eyes back to the screen. I squeeze her hand back, interlocking my fingers with her's.

The movie ends, and Cat pulls her hand out of mine to clap loudly at the ending credits. The song "Beauty and the Beast" by Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson starts to play, and Cat softly sings along. Her voice is beautiful.

"Sing with me Beck," she says, grabbing both of my hands.

"Cat...no, I...I'm not a good singer," I say embarrassed, my face turning red.

"Don't say that! Please sing with me?"

"Cat..."

"Pleasy?" she pleads, her big brown puppy-like eyes staring up at me.

"Okay fine," I give in.

"_Barely even friends, then somebody bends, unexpectedly_," she sings, looking right into my eyes.

"_Just a little change, small, to say the least_," I sing back. "_Both a little scared, neither one prepared_."

"_Beauty and the Beast,_" we sing together. She tugs on my hands and pulls both of us to our feet.

"_Ever just the same, ever a surprise, ever as before, ever just as sure, as the sun will rise_," we sing as we start to dance, our hands interlocked. I twirl her around, and we both start to laugh. She rests her head on my shoulder, and sings quietly into my ear, "_tale as old as time, tune as old as song_."

I wrap my arms around her waist and we both sing quietly to each other, "Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong." We just sway to the music for the last few lines, before I give her one last twirl.

Everyone is staring at us at this point. Tori's smiling, Jade's smirking, and Robbie is clapping. But Cat's giggling like crazy, erasing any traces of embarrassment lingering inside of me. Cat jumps on me, wrapping her legs and arms around me, like a koala.

"Thank you for singing with me Beck!" she squeals. I start laughing, and squeeze her back. I start to spin around, and she's screaming and giggling.

"Beck! Stop!" I stop, feeling dizzy, and we both fall onto the couch, crushing Jade and Tori. We're laughing so hard that it's silent and we're having trouble breathing. Tori's giggling, but Jade's screaming, "NO!" causing me and Cat to laugh even harder. Jade's clawing at us and screaming at the top of her lungs. She kicks me off the couch, and I hit the ground hard. Cat comes tumbling after me, landing on me, and Tori lands somewhere beside me.

"Why did you kick _me_ off?" Tori's yelling, sitting up.

"I don't like you!" Jade screams. By the time, my laughing is so hard I've forgotten how to breathe and Cat is rolling around on the ground giggling.

Tori rolls her eyes and stands up, shooting a glare at Jade. "I'm going to bed," she announces, before stomping out of the room.

"We won't miss you!" Jade hollers. I smile and shake my head slightly, before rising to my feet and helping Cat up. Cat flops down on the couch beside Jade, and hugs her.

"Cat!" Jade screams, but Cat only holds on tighter. Jade finally gives in and cracks a simile, while she Cat's arm a little before pushing her away.

"Did you like the movie?" Cat asks, batting her eyelashes. She discovers that Mr. Longneck ended up on the ground during the scuffle, and quickly picks him up, planting soft kisses all over him.

"Even after watching it for the millionth time, it never gets old," Jade says, with a smirk. "I like the part when Gaston falls off the cliff."

Cat giggles a little. "Jadey, that's not nice." Cat lays down on the couch, and closes her eyes halfway. "Even though he is a bad guy."

"Bad guys deserve to die," Jade barks out, leaning back into the couch. "In order to have a happy ending, all the bad guys need to die or go away. That's why there are no happy endings in real life, because there's too many bad guys lurking around." She looks at her feet has she says the last part, and swallows deeply.

"You'll get a happy ending," Cat says, yawning a little. She pulls Mr. Longneck closer to her, and closes her eyes, a slight smile forming on her face, her chest rising up and down slowly.

"Oh great, she's asleep," Jade says standing. She glances at the clock on the wall, five minutes to ten. "We have to be in our rooms by ten."

"Why don't we just wake her?" Robbie suggests.

"No, it's okay, I'll carry her," I volunteer, already placing my hands underneath Cat and lifting her up slowly. I hold her in my arms bride style, and Jade and Robbie look at me surprised.

"What?" I ask, pulling Cat closer, and she leans her head into the crook of my neck.

"Oh...nothing," Jade quickly recovers. "Let's go upstairs." She stomps out of the room without a reply, and Robbie and I follow. I make sure to be careful with Cat's head as we walk through the hallways. I thought climbing up the stairs while carrying Cat might be hard, but she's so light, she can't weigh more than nighty pounds. When we reach our hallway, Jade slams her door shut and Robbie waves goodbye to me, before running off to his room.

I open Cat's door, and close it behind me with my hip. I pull back her little mermaid covers, and gently place her down on the bed. I pull the covers up and tuck her in, making sure none of her stuff animals have fallen off the bed. Involuntarily, I lean down and gently kiss her forehead.

Her eyes flutter open, and I regret it, I've probably freaked her out, I've only known her for a day. My face is so close to hers, I can feel her breath. She looks surprised at first, but than smiles, she places a hand on my cheek, and my heart stops.

"Beck," she whispers.

"Yeah?" I choke out.

"Thank you," she breathes, running her hands through my hair once, before pulling it away.

"No problem," I manage, my heart beating. "Sweet dreams." I pull away from her, and began to leave the room, but before I can close the door, she calls me, so quietly, I can barely hear it.

"Yes Cat?"

"I'm not has scared anymore," she whispers, before her eyes close. I stand there for a few moments, in shock. Her words ricksha around my head, trying to figure out what she means. I shake my head slightly, and close the door. I open mine and close it quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone.

I sit on my bed, and place my chin in my hands. _I'm not has scared anymore. _What does she mean? That she's not has scared of me anymore, now that we've gotten to know one another? Or that she's not has scared of something else? Is it thing that has brought her here?

I flop down on my bed, feeling lost. I was sent here to fix my own problems, but all I want to know is the girl with the bright red hair's secrets. I just met her, and already she fills my thoughts, makes my heart beat faster. I've never been like this with girls, I've fucked them and forgot them. Cold, yes, but it's the truth. But Cat...I don't want to just fuck her and forget...I don't think I could ever forget Cat. She's in me, like a disease, like a drug has been injected into my veins. She's going through my bloodstream, filling my body with her laugh, her innocence...just her.

But I know that Cat is here for a reason, and that's she's screwed up, badly. Things may never work between me and Cat, and I can accept that, but I can't accept that she's still haunted by whatever happened to her. I don't want that dark place to take her, I don't want to see that look in her eyes...when her pupils get bigger, making her eyes look black. Her body tenses up and it feels colder. Whatever that place is, one day, it's gonna suck her in completely.

And she'll never come back.


	7. Chapter 7

DAY 2

My dreams were full of red headed mermaids, crazy beasts, and darkness. Dark sea, dark sky, just darkness. The last thing I saw before I woke up was a beautiful mermaid with red hair sinking into the dark sea, while a beast screamed and cried for her to come back, as his claws tried to reach her, but couldn't.

I woke up out of breath, and my heart nearly stopped when I momentarily forgot that I now lived at a mental hospital.

I sigh. This is my life now, isn't it? No matter what happens after my stay here, I'll always have the memory of being a fucking mental case.

I roll out of bed, and look for something to wear. At least we don't have to wear hospital gowns, Jade told me only the ones who act out have to wear them, and that they're sent to a different ward, that's located at the back of the building. They monitor the people in there for twenty four hours, and then they access if they're no longer a threat to themselves and the other patients. Apparently Tori goes a lot, when they catch her skipping meals. Jade explained to me that this hospital was opened to be a place where teenagers who are mentally ill can still experience life, well as much as the laws will allow. Cat mentioned that her last hospital was like the ward at the back.

At least that's one to keep me going, that it could be a lot worse. I glance at my clock, seven AM. Breakfast isn't until eight thirty. Maybe I'll go downstairs and watch some TV. If I'm even allowed.

I turn the knob of my door, and I'm overjoyed to find it unlocked. I open the door and close it quietly behind me. I walk down the hall, my footsteps light. When I reach the staircase I realize why they leave the doors unlocked: they have a guard. A middle aged man with sits a chair almost as hard looking as his expression.

"Where you off to?" he asks.

"To watch some TV?" I phrase it as a question because I really don't know if we're allowed.

He nods his head. "Don't do anything stupid."

I don't laugh because I don't think he's joking. I nod back at him and start walking down the stairs. When I reach the bottom I'm not exactly sure which way the TV room is. A nurse walking by stops and looks at me.

"Where are you off to?" she asks, her eyes narrowing.

"Um, the TV room, where is it?" I ask, flashing a grin at her.

"Oh, you're the new one aren't you? The TV room is down that hall, third door on the left," she replies pointing down a hallway to the right of the staircase, before taking off down the hallway beside the staircase.

I go down the hallway she told me to, and count the doors until I reach the third one. There's no door and I can hear a cartoon playing. I peak my head in and see Cat curled up under some covers with Mr. Longneck. I smile slightly to myself, before knocking on the wall.

She jumps a little, looking surprised at me. Her face breaks out into a grin when she realizes it's me.

"Beck!" she squeals. "Come watch!"

I walk in and plop down beside her. I glance at the TV and recognize the cartoon to be Sailor Moon.

"Do you like Sailor Moon?" she asks quietly. She bites down on her bottom lip. "I know it's a kid show, I can change it if you want."

She looks so disappointed in herself, like watching Sailor Moon is the stupidest thing you can do. "No, I like Sailor Moon. I think cartoons are cute."

Her eyes light up and she hugs Mr. Longneck tighter to her. "Really? Everyone else seems to just put up with them to make me happy." Her eyes flicked back to the TV screen.

Put up with? She says it like she's a burden to everyone. I make a promise to myself to watch every cartoon with Cat, no matter how childish they may seem. Truth be told, I do like cartoons more than most teenagers, not as much as Cat of course, but they're honestly better than half the crap that comes out nowadays.

I pull my eyes away from Cat to focus on what's going on in the show. Sailor Moon and her friends are battling someone, the one in the red is pretty hot, for a cartoon. My eyes flicker back to Cat, and then I pull them away again. I don't want her to catch me staring.

A few minutes later the ending credits are rolling on the screen, and Cat quickly changes the channel. She finds a channel that is playing my all time favourite cartoon: Scooby Doo.

"All right!" I practically cheer.

Cat grins. "You like Scooby Doo, too?"

I try to regain some control on myself but I let slip that I love it.

"I do too," says Cat, moving a little closer to me. My heart races. I can smell her red velvet cupcake shampoo and it smells so fucking good.

"Yeah it's a good show," I mumble.

The episode is the same basic formula has every other Scooby Doo episode: they find a mystery, find some clues, have a chase scene, catch the bad guy. And I was enjoying every minute of it. Towards the end, Cat moved closer to me and leaned into me, resting her head on my shoulder.

Don't move. Don't talk. Don't breathe.

"Thanks for watching the shows with me Beck," she whispered.

"Are you kidding? I love Scooby Doo, I could watch it all day," I say back. I'm tempted to put my arm around her, but she's so delicate. I'm scared of making any moves, I've never been like this before. If I wanted a girl, I went after her. I usually always got her too. But most of those girls, I just fucked and threw away. I don't wanna throw Cat away. I'm not even sure if I wanna have sex with her. She's beautiful, but she's so innocent and pure, and it would kill me to take that away.

"You're so good Beck," she breathes.

Good. I've never heard that word to describe me. It was always stupid, nothing, bad, and from girls, hot. Good. The fact that it came from her makes it all the more sweet. Lovely Cat thinks I'm good.

I glance down at her, and she notices, and looks back at me. She looks at my eyes and then my lips, before meeting my eyes again. My heart stops when I realize what's going through her mind. Her big brown eyes are full of want, but I can see the fear. She's not scared of me, but scared of what could happen if she gives in and kisses me. Cat's so pure, I wouldn't be surprised if she's never kissed anyone. I wonder how long she's been tossed around mental hospitals for, has she ever even experienced life?

I'm tempted, so fucking tempted, to just lean down and kiss her. But I can't. I can't steal Cat's innocence. I want her, oh god I want her, but nothing, not even tasting Cat's lips, would be worth taking that from her.

She bites down on her bottom lip, and moves just an inch closer, but it's close enough that I can smell her minty breath. I think she's actually going to it. Cat is going to kiss me. Maybe I should stop her, but I know I won't. My head is swelling with the thought that Cat wants me. I've felt a pull towards her since I first saw her, but the the reality that Cat also feels it, is too much for my brain to comprehend.

She moves a little bit closer, and her lids are half closed. I close mine, getting ready for what I've being dying for and what I'm terrified of.

A loud thud stops us, and we both jump to opposite ends of the couch.

"Why would you push me?" we heard Robbie yell.

"You were in my way!" Jade screeches.

"It's the hallway! Couldn't you wait?"

"NO!"

Jade stomps in, followed by Robbie. Jade plops down on a La-Z-Boy, and Robbie sits on the other couch.

"What were you guys up to?" Jade asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing!" Cat and I yell. I clear my throat and add, "just watching TV."

Yeah, "nothing", except for the fact that I know Cat feels something for me too.

And I think I'm falling in love with her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the delay, my computer is broken, so I had to wait to use my grandma's. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'm sorry if you think it sucks :3 **

Day 2

Cat didn't speak or look at me for the rest of the day. After Jade and Robbie came in, Jade snatched the remote and put on MTV, and Cat didn't utter a word the whole time. Even when Jade called her out on it, all Cat did was smile and shake her head. Jade and Robbie had let it go, but I kept stealing glances at her, hoping to catch her eye. But she didn't look at me once, and it burned.

Breakfast time came and we walked to the dining hall together, the only sound being Jade, Robbie, and Rex arguing with each other. I tried again to catch her eye at the table, but nothing.

"Cat, are you okay?" Tori asked gently. "You're being so quiet today."

Cat stopped pushing her food around and looked up at Tori, giving her a small smile. "I'm fine; I think I'm just tired." She smiled once more before drawing her eyes back to her food.

Tori frowned, she wasn't stupid, and she knew something was wrong. I could tell by Jade's expression that she also wasn't buying Cat's excuse, but didn't wanna push it.

"Oh, well how about after breakfast you and I go relax and watch Disney movies?" Tori suggested with a grin.

For the first time that day, Cat's smile looked real as she nodded her head and said quietly, "I would love to."

Tori and Cat had quickly finished their food and took off, leaving me with Jade and Robbie. Robbie soon after announced that he was going to go lie down and left too.

"Wanna go a walk?" Jade asks, already rising out of her seat.

"Um, sure," I mumble. "Where to?"

She's already walking away. "Around," she calls over her shoulder. I jog to catch up with her, and follow her down the hallway. We reach the staircase and she starts climbing it.

"Where are we going?"

"Stop asking so many damn questions!" she snaps. I sigh and begin following her up the stairs. We reach the third floor, and she leads me down the hallway where her room is located, until we reach the end of the hallway. There's a pair of French doors, and Jade opens them, leading to a stone balcony. She swings a foot over and sits on the fat railing made of stone.

She reaches into her pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She lights one and starts puffing on it.

"Are we allowed to smoke?" I ask.

"You didn't strike me as the type to care about rules," she says.

I take a seat beside her, and pull a cigarette out of her pack without asking. I also help myself to the lighter sitting on her lap and quickly light up. I close my eyes and inhale, feeling the smoke fill my lungs. It's been three days since my last cigarette and it taste heavenly. I exhale and look over at Jade, who's smirking at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing," she says, taking another inhale. "By the way, we are allowed to smoke, if it's a way to help us relieve stress."

"How long have you been smoking for?" I ask her.

"Around the same time I started cutting: thirteen."

I just nod my head, since she's brought up the fact that she cuts, and it stains the mood. I catch a glance at her, and I see her eyes glistening over, like she's holding back tears. She turns and looks at me, and she quickly gathers herself and lights another cigarette.

"Jade…" I trail off, unsure of what to say. She's obviously not as strong as she would like everyone to believe.

She puts out of her cigarette on the stone railing and throws it away. She throws one leg over the railing, so that she's not facing me. I think she's gonna swing the other leg over and leave, but she does something I totally don't expect. She grabs the back of my head roughly and smashes our lips together. I sort of just sit there, not doing anything for ten seconds while Jade's kissing only gets stronger and rougher. Cat's face pops into my mind and I finally grab her by the shoulders and push her away.

"What are you doing?" I demand.

"Kissing you," she says, biting her lip slightly.

"Wh-yy?" I stammer out.

She wiggles out from under the grip of my hands. "Look pretty boy; don't go thinking I got some crush on you. Even crazy girls have urges." She grins at the last part.

I say nothing, I have no words.

She swings her other leg over the railing and stands up. "All I'm saying is that we could help each other out. I had a…friend here before, but he got released a month ago. I just want someone who won't catch feelings. And I think you're exactly that: someone who won't get clingly."

It's a tempting offer, I can't lie. Jade's hot, and she's throwing herself at me, with the promise of sex and no attachment. Every guy wants this, but Cat's face keeps popping into my mind. I don't want to ruin whatever is going on between me and Cat by fucking her best friend.

"I don't think so Jade; I don't think it's a good idea. I mean if something happened, it's not like we can just avoid each other," I explain. Even though Cat was doing a pretty good job at avoiding me.

"Just think about it okay," she whispers. She grabs her smokes and opens the door. She winks at me before shutting it.

I take a few more drags of my cigarette, before putting it out. I put my head in my hands and breathe deeply. I want Cat, I'm falling for Cat, but I don't want to. The thought terrifies me, nothing good ever comes of loving someone; it just ends up destroying people. Cat's already so broken, I can't hurt her anymore.

But I know I'm never going to feel that way about anyone ever again…and that's why I know I can't let Cat go. I'm terrified, but I know that Cat deserves someone who cares about her as much as I do. For the first time in my life, I feel good enough.

I decide to tell Cat how I feel that night. I'm confident she feels the same way, maybe not as strong, but there's something there, right? After that moment we shared earlier today, it had made it clear to me.

I sit across from her at dinner, beside Robbie. Tori and Jade sit on the other side with Cat. Cat's just picking at her salmon, along with Tori.

"Oh don't tell you're gonna start starving yourself too, Cat," Jade hisses.

Cat blinks a few times before looking at Jade. "What?" she asks sounding dazed and confused.

"You picked at your breakfast, you skipped lunch, and now you've only taken a bite out of your salmon," Jade points out. "Start eating or they'll start monitoring you just like Vega."

Tori rolls her eyes. "I went down a pound, but I'm just 13 pounds away from being in a healthy range." She frowns at her food as she says this. "I've gained a total of 7 pounds since I've been here."

"Just eat," Jade commands.

Tori takes a couple bites of her salmon and potatoes and a drink of water. "I need to pee."

"Fascinating," Jade mutters.

Tori stands up and goes over to tell the lunch monitors where she's going. I'm surprised they let her go, but then I remember that only Cat and I know Tori's dirty little secret. I glance over at Cat, and I catch her looking at Tori as she's leaving. She chews on her lip roughly, before looking back at her food.

I debate if I should say something, but I don't want to break Cat's trust in me. So I go back to eating my chicken. The next few moments are full of silence, until Jade breaks it by burping loudly.

"Man can't you behave more like a lady?" Rex comments.

Jade responds with the finger.

"Hey, Tori's been gone a while," Robbie points out. "Maybe you or Cat should go check on her," he says gesturing to Jade.

Jade rolls her eyes. "If the princess isn't back in two minutes, I'll go check on her."

Suddenly there's a commotion coming from the hallway, and we all turn to look as the girl with the pixie hair cut bursts into the lunch room with a screaming Tori.

The girl opens and closes her mouth a few times as if she's unsure of what to say, but she finally gets out, "I saw Tori puking in the bathroom." She lets go of Tori's arm, and the hall monitors grab Tori before she can run away. The girl covers her mouth as if she's trying to hold back tears and whispers, "I'm so sorry."

"Oh fuck, they're taking her to back ward," Jade says, standing up along with Cat, who has tears leaking down her cheeks.

Tori's screaming, and trying to get out of the hall monitor's hold on her. Finally security comes and picks her up and throws her over his shoulder. Tori calls for Cat and Cat goes running.

"Cat, no!" Jade screams.

Cat grabs Tori's arm and starts screaming, "You can't take her back there! She hates it there, please, no!" She tries to pull Tori away from the security guard, but he pushes her away. She stumbles back into one of the tables, and I jump out of my seat and run over to her.

"Don't ever touch her like that again!" I yell, I can feel my arm tensing up and I'm so tempted to punch this guy in the face.

"Don't Beck," Cat says, her voice rough with tears. I look back at her and I see pain in her eyes. I don't want her to see me for the monster that I am, so I step away from the security guard. I pull her into my arms as they take Tori away, her body shaking with sobs.

"She hates it there Beck," she whispers.

"Shh, it's okay."

After dinner, Cat said she wanted to go lie down. I offered to walk her there, but she shot me down. I still needed to talk to her, but after all that had happened tonight, I decided it would be best if she rested for a little while before I confessed how I felt.

I joined Jade and Robbie in the living room where we were watching TV. Jessie and a pretty Asian girl with long black hair and scars all up her arm were sitting in a window seat and quietly talking to one another.

"Tomorrow's Saturday, that mean it's time for visitors," Jade says. "Not that there's ever that many. Just Vega's annoying sister."

"She may be annoying, but at least she visits Tori," Robbie points out.

"Yeah whatever," Jade mutters, rolling her eyes.

I wonder if Cat will have any visitors. I wanna see what her family is like, to maybe get an idea of what made Cat the way she is.

At nine, I decide to go see Cat. I knock on her door gently and when I hear no response, I peak my head in slowly. Her bed's empty. I close the door and lean against it. Where could she be? I turn my head and notice that Cat and I's side of the hallway also has a pair of French doors. I turn the handle and open it, and discover that there's an identical balcony to the one Jade showed me.

There's also Cat sitting on the wide stone railing.

She turns and looks at me, giving me a sad smile. "Hi Beck."

I step out and close the door behind me. I take a seat beside her and stare out into the dark forest and country hills and starry night sky.

"Wow, you can see so many stars," I comment.

"Yeah, it's very pretty," Cat whispers.

I decide this is my best chance to tell her how I feel, while we're all alone and taking in this enchanting sight.

"Cat, there's something I need to tell you," I say, turning to look at her.

Cat turns her head to face me, her eyes meeting mine, for what seems like the first time in years. "Yeah Beck?"

My heart is beating so fast. "Cat, I know I just met you, and its sounds crazy…but Cat I…I have feelings for you."

There it's out there. And I can't take it back.

She looks away from me and glances down. "Oh Beck…," she trails off. She's silent for a moment before looking up at me again, and those beautiful brown eyes suddenly look dark and hard has she says, "I don't feel the same way."


	9. Chapter 9

DAY 2

"I don't feel the same way."

My heart stops. "Wha-tt, Cat? I thought-,"

"You thought wrong," she cuts me off. She looks away from me. "I'm sorry Beck."

"But Cat…I thought that earlier today that you wanted…that you wanted to…I thought that you were going to kiss me."

I see her chewing on her lip. "Yeah…I was, but then I realized it was a stupid idea."

It feels like someone's broken my ribs, every breath hurts. "No, Cat, it wasn't. I wanted you to kiss me."

She swings her legs over the railing and stands up. "I'm sorry Beck, you're an amazing guy, but I just don't feel that way about you." She opens her mouth, but quickly shuts it and turns to open the door.

I jump up and run over to her. I grab her arm and whip her around. I can't let her go; I'm too invested in her. "Cat, please, I know it's hard to believe and maybe you're scared, but I-I can't even describe what I'm feeling for you, but it's the strongest thing I've ever felt. I know it sounds crazy, but you need to believe me. I won't hurt you, please Cat." I'm begging her; I'm begging her to give me a chance, I can feel my heart breaking and I'm begging her to proof me wrong, that love doesn't always end in pain.

Her soft brown eyes fill with tears. "Oh Beck…,"

"Just give me a chance, please," I whisper. I realize she's wearing a baggy shirt with Ariel on it, and my heart clenches. God, I love her.

She looks at her feet for a few seconds, taking deep breaths. Finally she meets my eyes. "No Beck." She snatches her arms away from me.

"Please Cat, please..." I should feel pathetic for begging, but I'm so caught up in the moment. I'm drenched in pain as she rejects me, all my hopes and dreams crashing down around me. This can't be happening, I finally found someone who makes me to try, who makes me want to knock down my walls and let someone in. She makes me want to break every rule I've ever made. Don't get close to people, don't trust people, all my rules, I find myself wanting to break them so I can be with her.

She puts her hands on her face and takes a deep breath before lowering them again. "Beck, we can't be together. Do you know how horrible that would end? I've been bounced around from mental hospitals since I was ten. Six long years, I'm not normal, and I won't ever be."

"I don't care about your past Cat, I'll work through whatever trauma you're going through, I won't give up," I say, feeling my eyes fill with tears. I haven't cried since I was eleven, and I swore I wouldn't, but here she has me again breaking another rule of mine.

"It's not just me Beck, you have anger issues, and I hope you one day work through them, but we're no good for each other." She sounds so mature, not like her usual playful self. Her eyes are dark and hard and her skin pale, she doesn't even look like herself. The Ariel t-shirt and the red hair are the only indication of who she is.

"But I want you Cat," I whisper.

"I don't want to be with you Beck, I hope you can understand that," she says coldly. She turns and opens the door. I see her hesitate for second as if she wants to add something, but decides against it and closes the door behind her.

It feels like I've been kicked in the stomach and every single rib has been broken, making it hard to breathe. This wasn't how the conversation was supposed to go. I was prepared to have to work a little and convice her, after all, she's obviously been through a lot, but I wasn't prepared for her to turn me down flat.

_I don't want to be with you Beck. _

I have a feeling that those words will stay with me forever.

DAY 3

I didn't sleep much, and when I did, all I saw was a beautiful mermaid with red hair whispering "I don't want to be with you Beck" over and over again.

I went downstairs for breakfast with a heavy heart. I dreaded seeing Car after what had taken place last night. I debated sitting at a table by myself, but I knew that the others would question me on this and I didn't exactly want to let them in on what had happened. So I grabbed some scrambled eggs and took a seat beside Robbie. I let myself glance at Cat once to see her once again picking at her food. She had bags under her eyes and looked over all worn out.

Maybe we were no good for one another. I was stressing her out, for god's sake. Maybe Cat knew what was right, and I just had to learn to let her go.

Jade threw a strawberry that bounced off Robbie's nose, and instead of yelling at her, he smiled a little. Jade look surprised, but quickly rolled her eyes and went back to eating her bacon.

"So does anyone have visitors coming in?" Jade asks.

"No, my mom came last month," Robbie replies. "Apparently that's all she can handle."

"It's cause she hates you," Rex says. Robbie frowns at the puppet but says nothing.

"How about you pretty boy? Anyone coming in?" she asks.

"No," I say sharply. I see Cat look up from her food at me, and her eyes have a sadness about them, but she quickly brings her eyes back down to her food.

"Is your aunt coming in Cat?" Jade asks.

Cat shakes her head gently and whispers, "No, she has other plans."

"Well my father can only handle me once every few months, and he already paid his dues two weeks ago," she says, leaning back in her chair. "So no visitors for us, just Tori's annoying sister, she usually comes in around two."

"Yeah too bad Tori got sent to the back ward, that means Trina can only visit her for an hour at most," Robbie says. "I think it's nice that Trina tries to come at least two times a month to visit Tori."

Jade tolls her eyes. "Yeah whatever, she's still annoying." She turns to me. "And you get to meet her, yay!"

I shrug, how bad could Trina be?

The answer: very. When she walked in, I thought, hm, she's pretty cute. Then she opened her mouth.

"Cat!" she screeched, pulling Cat into a tight hug. Cat smiled slightly and hugged her back. Trina didn't try to hug Jade, just sort of nodded at her.

"Hi Trina!" Robbie said brightly.

"Yeah whatever," she said, pushing Robbie aside to get closer to me. "Who are you handsome?"

"Beck," I say with a wave. I see Cat and Jade over Trina's shoulder. Jade looks annoyed, Cat's eyes meet mine and she quickly looks away.

"Are you another visitor? Maybe we could hang out later?" she practically purrs.

"I'm a patient here," I say.

Her eyes widen. "Oh, _oh_. Well uh…never mind then." She mouths wow before turning back to Cat and Jade.

"So where's Tori?" she asks.

Cat looks at her feet, so Jade decides to step up the plate and tell Trina the news. "She got caught puking up her food and they sent her to the back ward."

I see Trina's mouth drop a little and her eyes well up. For a moment, she isn't annoying; she's just a concerned older sister. I can't imagine this being easy for her.

She sits down on one of the chairs in the front entrance. "I thought she was making progress, but she's just getting worse.

"Now that they know, they can help," Cat whispers, and I can see the pain in her eyes. She hates herself for not telling the hospital about Tori sooner, she's worried that Tori may be even more screwed up now and that Cat could have saved her. Truthfully, no one can save Tori but herself.

"I had to move to New York so I could be closer to her," Trina says quietly. "My mom and dad couldn't, so I had to. She's my little sister; I don't want her to die."

Suddenly Trina doesn't seem so annoying, and I can see Jade's hard look softening, she doesn't think so either.

Trina stands and wipes the tears from her face. "I'm going to go visit her now, bye guys." She walks quickly out of the room, knowing exactly where to go, from her many visits.

Once she's out of the room, I turn to the others. "How long has Tori been here for?"

"She's been here for two months, but she was at another hospital for three months," Jade explains. "But it was too close to home and her friends kept coming in to visit, and it wasn't helping. She would worry about her appearance when they came, so they decided to send her somewhere far away."

"How many times has Trina been here to visit?"

"The first month, she came every weekend on Saturday and Sunday," Robbie says. "This is her second time coming this month."

"It's nice for Tori," Cat says quietly. I look at her and see pain in her eyes, and I see Jade's jaw clenching, and Robbie looking at his feet. No one's been to visit them in such a long time, and you can see it. They feel forgotten, and maybe in a sense, they are. It would be hard to make time to visit; people have jobs, other kids, other responsibilities. And sometimes, the kids in these kinds of places don't have anyone to come visit them. It's no wonder they usually end up back here after they're released when they turn eighteen. They have no support, just pills and therapy.

Later that day, it's time for my one on one therapy session. I had been dreading this since my arrival, but I knew that it was necessary. I told myself this over and over again as I walked down the hall to my therapist's office. I knocked on the door they had told me to go to. A voice called "come in!" from inside.

I opened the door slowly to a cozy looking room with maroon coloured carpeting, big black chairs, and a dark wood desk, with a forty something looking woman with dark hair and a kind smile.

"Welcome Beck," she said. She gestured to the two big black chairs. "Please, take a seat." I sit and say nothing, not quite sure where to take this conversation.

She puts her hands together. "So Beck, how have things been since your arrival?"

I shrug. "It's been okay."

"It must be such a big adjustment, have you made any friends?"

Cat flashes through my mind. Are me and Cat even friends anymore? "Yeah."

She smiles. "I saw you and Cat together, you two seem to have grown very close over the past few days."

I feel my heart clench, we had been growing close. Everything just went so horribly wrong. "I guess."

"Beck, I understand that therapy can be very difficult, I just want you to know that this safe place," she says. I just nod my head at her, unsure of what to say.

"So Beck, why did beat the shit out of that kid?" she asks leaning back in her chair.

I'm slightly surprised, hearing her phrase it so unprofessionally. I don't even know how to respond.

"Was he being a dumbass, c'mon Beck, tell me," she says raising her eyebrows. "I've had to deal with so many tools, trust me; I've wanted to pound them. What did the jackass do?"

"He was pissed because I slept with his girlfriend," I reply.

"Oh so he started the fight?"

"Yeah, he pushed me, and then I punched him in the face," I tell her, seeing it flash through my mind. The guy who beat that kid up seems like a different person. It's because of Cat, I think. Ever since I saw her, I wanted to be better. But lovely Cat doesn't want me; I shouldn't have been so stupid. Why would she want me?

"But you're the one who finished it," she says, it's not a question, but a statement.

I nod my head.

"Did it feel good giving that prick what he deserved?" she asks resting her chin on the back of her hands.

"It wasn't that it felt good, it was that I was angry, and then I blacked out and was being pulled off his unconscious body." The blood from his nose had been all over my hand.

She nods her head. "Has it always been like this Beck? Have you always blacked out when you were angry?"

"It started when my mom left when I was eight," I find myself telling her. It feels good to let it out, and I know I'll never get out of here unless I learn to deal with my anger, and dealing with it means talking about it.

"Do you feel resentment towards her for leaving?"

"I did, but I can understand why she left."

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Why can you understand why she left?"

I swallow deeply before telling her. "Because my father used to beat her up." The memories arrive in flashbacks. My dad throwing my mom against a wall. My dad grabbing my hair by the hair and dragging her across the floor. My dad slapping my mom. My mom crying and telling me to go hide in my room. I wanted to help her, but I couldn't. I felt useless.

"Beck…after your mom left, did your dad hit you?" her eyes are full of sadness.

I exhale deeply. "Yeah, he started beating me up. At first it was only when he was drunk, but then he started getting drunk all the time. He blamed me for my mom leaving, saying I asked too much of her, I was too big a burden. When he hit me and screamed at me, it made me so angry. I wanted to fight back, but I couldn't. That's when the blackouts started. It made it easier. He would hit me, I would feel the anger build up in my chest, and then it would explode, leaving me in darkness."

"I think that's enough for today," she says quietly. "Thank you Beck."

I stand up and quickly leave, practically running down the hall. I feel so overwhelmed; I had tried to block those memories out because they hurt too much. I ran up the stairs and almost tripped on someone sitting on the top step.

"Sorr-," I stopped when I realize its was Cat. She was holding Mr. Longneck and playing with one of those cootie catcher things.

"Hi Cat," I practically whisper, I'm not sure if we're on speaking terms.

She looks up from her cootie catcher. "Hi Beck." Her eyes go back to the paper as she opens and closes it.

"I just came back from my therapy session, it went good," I say.

"That's good," she says quietly, not taking her eyes off the cootie catcher.

"I made a lot of progress." I'm only telling her this to let her know I can get better. I don't have to always be a mental case. I can try to get better. I can try to get better for her.

She doesn't say anything. I sit down beside her. "Cat, I'm trying to get better. So we can have a chance."

She stops opening a closing the paper and doesn't move for a few seconds before standing up. She throws the cootie catcher away and grabs Mr. Longneck and starts walking away.

I stand up and grab her by the arm, making her face me. "Cat, please just listen to me."

She pulls her arm away. "No, you listen to me. I thought I made myself very clear. I don't want to be with you Beck."

"Because you said that we're no good for each other, but we are Cat. We made an instant connection. The only thing standing in our way of being together is our issues, that's why I'm trying to work through mine."

She puts her hands on her face and screams slightly. "Beck, stop! I don't want to be with you, just accept it and stop trying!" She turns to leave, and Cat fades away and all I see is my mom leaving. No, mom, mom, you can't leave. I grab her to make her stay and then everything goes black.

I feel breath against my face and the blackness fades away. I feel something small in my hands, and I shake my head, trying to clear the fogginess, and when it does fade, I see Cat just centimetres from my face. She's pinned against the wall, by me. I realize that my hands are holding her wrists against the wall. I quickly let go.

"Oh my god Cat, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I say, feeling out of breath. I saw my mom; I wanted my mom to stay. It wasn't Cat. I didn't want to hurt Cat. I didn't want to hurt anyone; I just wanted my mom to stay.

Cat looks at me like I'm a stranger. "You're a monster, Beck, stay away from me!" She picks up Mr. Longneck who had fallen out of the ground, and with one last look of hurt and pain at me, runs to her room.

I'm nothing. I am a monster.


End file.
